When Slowing Down Turns Into Getting Stuck

Part One: When Slowing Down Turns into Getting Stuck

57 days ago, I was laid off.

In that time, I’ve:

• Visited five national parks with my brother on a last-minute road trip

• Stepped deeper into caregiving as my mom recovers from lung cancer

• Dealt with the bureaucratic maze of unemployment

• And tried to decide what my “next chapter” will be

And yet… I feel like I’ve done nothing.

It’s a strange dissonance — to be doing so much, and yet feel like you're not moving at all. Like your body is in motion, but your heart (and head) is still frozen at the fork in the road. I kept thinking this time would bring clarity.

Instead, I’ve found myself caught in the in-between, where ambition meets exhaustion, and longing meets resistance.

That’s when I began to notice something I didn’t expect.

The Trap of Trying to Force a Slow Life

I’ve mapped out content strategies, created schedules, and imagined entire systems for a slower, more intentional life.

It’s what I know. It’s what I’m good at.

But I’m learning that you can’t will your way into a slower life.
You can’t control your way into peace.
You can’t plan your way into presence.

I have a vision. It lives in the back of my mind like a favorite film — one I replay when I need comfort. But lately, it’s felt like trying to hold smoke. I can see it, I can smell it, but I can’t seem to live it.

Vision vs. Safety

If my life is a river, I’ve been throwing rocks — systems, routines, calendars — hoping to redirect the current.

But lately, I’ve started to wonder…

Am I carving a path?
Or just disturbing the water?

Perhaps the real tension isn’t between action and inaction. It’s between vision and safety.

Because if I chase the dream and it doesn’t work out… What then?

So I scroll. I research. I ask a hundred questions:

• Why can’t I start?

• Is this burnout… or fear?

• Am I still healing, or just resisting?

• Do I need more rest or more reconnection?
  
  

When Rest Turns Into Resistance

There’s a difference, I’ve learned, between rest and resistance:

• Rest says: I’m pausing to refill so I can return.

• Resistance says: I’m afraid, so I’ll disconnect.

Lately, it’s hard to tell which one I’m in.

I’m exhausted. I scroll endlessly. I feel like a passive observer of my own life. I wonder:

Am I letting myself down… or letting myself rest?
Is this functional freeze?
Is it self-abandonment dressed up as “healing”?

What I’m Learning (But Don’t Have Answers For Yet)

I’ve built systems. I’ve envisioned the dream life.
But the thing I’m truly craving—the deeper alignment—can’t be forced into being.

It needs to be trusted into existence.

The question I’m now sitting with:

Do I need more rest… or more reconnection?

Reconnection to:

• My body

• My purpose

• One tiny, brave move that reminds me I’m not stuck — I’m just scared.
  
  

And scared doesn’t mean stopped.