Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself

When the “Shoulds” Take Over

The other day, I caught myself spiraling in “shoulds.”

I should be waking up earlier.
I should have my next step figured out.
I should get off the couch and go outside.

Then a thought came through — quiet but clear: what if one honest moment with myself was enough?

It wasn’t the first time I’d felt this way. And honestly, it wasn’t just about that day on the couch — it was about years of quiet pressure building up.

The Moment I Lost the Plot

I can pinpoint the season when the shoulds really started to descend — like a swarm of bats at dusk, weaving and diving, scaring the people.
(Me. I am the people.)

At 25, I had a master’s degree and felt the weight of expectation — I should land a stable, respectable job.
At 26, I moved to Boston to help a family friend, and I told myself I should try to make the city work.
At 27, I thought I should stop traveling and settle down.
At 29, when a job offer came through that sounded flashier and paid more, I convinced myself I should say yes.

Come on, Renée — you went $40,000 into debt for this degree. Take the cushy six-figure job.

And then the shoulds started creeping into every other part of my life.

I should wake up earlier.
I should go on a run.
I should meditate.
I should feel better.
I should cook something healthy.
I should stop resting.
I should do more. Be more. Want less.

The Lie of the Perfect Routine

I was exhausted from shoulding all over myself and my life. I lost the plot.

We’re sold this idea that living intentionally means waking up at sunrise, meditating before the world stirs, and drinking matcha from a handcrafted mug.
But what if it’s also… turning off your alarm and listening to your body?

Intentional living isn’t about perfect routines or Pinterest aesthetics.
It’s about dropping the “shoulds” and asking: What do I actually need right now?

What If You Just Got Honest?

What if instead of waking up at 5am, you tuned into the part of you that’s been whispering underneath all the noise?

What if — instead of always saying yes to everyone else — you let yourself be honest, even if it’s messy or uncertain?

Choosing Instead of Shoulding

What if instead of shoulding… we tried choosing?

Choosing something small, but aligned.
Something that makes you feel like you again.

Sometimes it’s crying in your parked car.
Sometimes it’s canceling plans.
Sometimes it’s making tea and deciding that’s enough for today.

Intentional doesn’t always look peaceful or pretty.
But it’s real.
And it brings you back to yourself.

This Is Enough

That’s the reminder, really.
That you don’t have to do (or be) everything at once.
You don’t need a 5am routine or a cabin in the woods with a perfect garden to live intentionally.

You just need to meet yourself.
To honor one true thing today — no matter how small — as a radical act of alignment.

This is mostly a reminder to myself.
But maybe you needed it too.

It’s not about having it all figured out. It’s about tuning in — even just a little — and choosing what feels true today.

That’s enough.

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Journal With Me📝

If you’re feeling buried under the “shoulds” too, try this:

• What are the “shoulds” I’ve been carrying lately?

• Where did they come from — and do they still serve me?

• What do I actually need right now?

• What’s one small, honest choice I can make today that feels like mine?

You don’t need to overhaul everything. You just need one real, quiet moment with yourself.

And if you’re not sure where to start, I wrote about how I use AI to help me journal through tangled thoughts.
It’s not about finding the perfect answer. It’s about having a mirror when you need it most.
→ Read: Journaling With AI for Self-Awareness